you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
