I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
soo... how was my night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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