my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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