I would go down on you faster than GM stock
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
