Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
