Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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