Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
