He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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