"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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