omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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