he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
