I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
