uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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