dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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