please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
