At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
