i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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