Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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