Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
