I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
