I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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