it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
