you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
