There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
