DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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