If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
