This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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