420 ftw
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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