I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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