I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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