his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
