in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize