you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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