OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
