The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
