I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize