I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
