The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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