You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
