I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
