the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
