The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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