I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
