I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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