look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
