I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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