She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just pee around me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
