people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize