Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
