The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize