Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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