you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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