on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
