i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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