I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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