I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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