time to smoke my breakfast
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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