my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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