Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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