I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love you. Go after that dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
