there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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