Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
