I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
