Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
