I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
