Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
