Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
