FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
