I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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