Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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