Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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