Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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