I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
