oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
