Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You don't make any sense
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