We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
