There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
