Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
