yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
