Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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