You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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