the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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