girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
