He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
