Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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