I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
