youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
