he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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