his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
